Precocious

When she's turned toward the camera, it loves her. 

Goodbye

Goodbye expansive wastelands

Goodbye distant mountains

goodbye desert 

Goodbye whatever this is. 

Goodbye historic downtown

I'll miss you Main street 

Goodbye Joe's DRIVE IN liquor. Stay Classy. 

Smile for the Camera Honey!

Makayla went to get her picture taken yesterday. It went as well as can be expected. 

Out of the Box

I feel like I live in the warehouse that stores the ark of the covenant. 

Where are my toys? 

Checkmate

Yesterday at the grocery store a chubby little girl, who was holding a tub of potato salad, was screaming all through the dairy section. I gave her my most withering stare. Undaunted the girl looked me dead in the face, roared like a lion, and walked away.

SLC Punk

Patriotic Future Ex-Pat

This 3xL T-shirt sums up everything I love about Wal-Mart and America. 

Blood from a Stone

So my Alma mater keeps sending my pesky postcards and surveys kindly asking for money. Well asking if I want to be part of the Alumni club, but we all know they just want my money. Should I just call up and tell them how broke I am? Maybe I should fax them my student loan statement. They must know the only reason I went to the state school closest to my house was because I'm poor. Why would I be any less poor now that I've graduated?

Rock Spring 90210

Last night, it was hot so I slept on the couch with the porch door open, as one does.

At exactly 4:31 a.m. I was woken by the amorous cries of some freewheeling couple trying to make a baby in the pool.

Now I love children, I even work with one, but I draw the line when you interrupt my sleep in such a jarring way.

Now couple, as I'm sure you're aware, the pool area echoes as much as the grand canyon. Maybe that's part of the thrill for you. Trust me, it's not thrilling on my end.

Negotiating the sliding glass door shut to save us both a mortifying scene also deserves your respect.

Just a thought, a children's pool might not be the best place to conceive one of your own.

Wyoming Update

Two weeks from today I am busting out of Wyoming.

Then I just have to survive 24 hours of driving with the world's most annoying dog, a tenacious 2 year old and a sister who requires cigarette breaks every 45 minutes. Should be fun.

Things I Saw at the Library

Not at all nightmare inducing Humpty Dumpty 

A slightly less racist version of Little Black Sambo the most racist children's book ever. 

I know this because my Mother owns the original book and let me read it as a child. 

Here's the equally racist cartoon version. 

And finally I saw a serial killer van. 

I have seen an abundance of these rapist-mobiles at the Library. Vehicles that are clearly lived in, full of PBR, 20 years worth of  TV Guides, and a bare soiled mattress. What is it about the library that attracts all manner of vagrant and outlier? 

Video Series 1

This baby is taking things to a whole new level. Next thing you know she's going to expand into performance art and start throwing tantrums in Wal-Mart to protest the tyranny of the Wiggle breakup. 

Deep. 

Boxed In

I believe I mentioned that I will be moving in due course. Well the packing has started and as you can see we are packing against the sliding glass door. Otherwise known as the primary source of natural light inside this apartment. 

Now I'm not one for claustrophobia, I slumber in a closet, but the increasing number of boxes piling up against the walls does feel rather cloying. But the glimmer at the end of the tunnel, leaving Wyoming forever, keeps me steadfast. 

Evil Aunt Anneke

Did I make this video specifically to embarrass my niece when she's older? 

No. 

I made this video to embarrass her when she's older. 

Incidentally this child screamed bloody murder the entire time I dressed her, brushed her hair and her teeth. The crying actually made it easier to reach the all the way to the back and get those gums gleaming. 

Silver lining. 

Pump You Up!

When the BABY isn't crying, disrobing, or causing a ruckus, she gets pumped for the day's events.

Brushing her teeth

Saying her ABC's 

Preparing for chicken nuggets. 

Leaving Neverland

I cannot overstate the importance of this event. I got the urge to cook. Food. Me! 

Pizza is on my food pyramid! And I added extra vegetables to the meatballs. What's happening to me? 

Oh God, am I growing up? A year ago the only meal I could make was toast. This is a big leap forward for me. Goodbye Homo Habilis, hello Homo Sapien!