Self Portrait Series 2

Her main influences are Dali, Mapplethorpe, Maier, and Elmo. 

Rules of the Road

Dear sir or madam, 

             Perhaps you would not be taking up three parking spaces if you weren't eating cake while driving. I'm sure the other patrons of the Dollar Tree would also appreciate you putting the fork down, strapping your frosting covered fingers to the wheel and parking within the yellow lines. 

Don't get me wrong, I've been there. Who hasn't, in a moment of weakness, gotten BBQ sauce all over their new shirt while trying to eat a Baconator and make a left turn simultaneously? But there's a difference between surreptitiously eating Arbys so the other drivers won't see your shame and eating cake while parking. 

Toddlers and Tiaras: Rock Springs.

This past Saturday I accompanied my sister and the BABY to a "natural" beauty pageant, whatever that means. We walked in the room and sat down to the sounds of a child screaming in the other room. An eerie soundtrack perhaps but untimely preferable to the country and Disney instrumentals that followed.  

All of the mothers at this event looked exactly the way you're imagining.

Girl in a Twilight shirt. Of course.

Pageant dad to 3 year old: You need to have pretty feet and I need to see your sparkle! Show me your sparkle!!!  

During the personality competition for the 10 year olds: If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be and why? That is an appropriate thing to ask a child. Because if you're going to judge a child on her looks, talent and personality you might as well make her contemplate the things she should change about herself. 

Chaos reigns. 

Welcome your new Little Miss Sweetwater County. 

Self Portrait Series 1.

There are no less than 175 pictures of the ceiling with bits of this baby's hair in the corner. She figured out how to use the iPad camera, more or less. 

Not off to a good start.

iPad Adventures

We partied too hard. 

Maybe I've been watching too much doomsday preppers.

Once the zombies come I'll need to impress them with my ability to blow up watermelons.