Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Meow are you doing?

Cats are all jerks.

Admittedly I am dog person, even though I am violently allergic to all domestic pets (I'm looking at you goldfish). Dogs just clearly rule, and cats drool. Cats are just useless. What's the point of them?

My grandmother has a cat that is probably the most useless creature alive. This cat is like an extremely expensive ghost. It lives under my grandmothers bed 99 % of the time. It ventures out in the dead of night to eat and poop in secret. It hisses at anyone who attempts to remove it from its sanctuary. It basically hates everyone it encounters, won't be petted or even looked upon. So what is the point of it? Sorry, but I think animal companions should exist to serve humans. You can't teach cats tricks, unless that trick is to be annoying.

The elusive cat.

The cat's food costs $40 a bag and has to be especially ordered from an organic pet food store. My mother once had to drive over 50 miles to get the cat food. This cat eats better than I do.

Organic food is a must for any creature that spends 7 hours a day licking its own butt.

The cat also sheds and poops all over the floor. Yes, yes I realize dogs do this as well but you can yell at a dog. Then the dog lowers its ears and feels some sense of remorse. Cats do not. They are haughty, indifferent douches. They just put their tail in the air and stalk away.

This cat has more hair than Zach Galifianakis. 

The cat knows that humans do this. "Yes scoop my leavings" it thinks manically. Whereas dogs have no inclination. Cats take pleasure in knowing they have power over us. And if they get finicky they just poop on the floor. If you train a dog correctly it will not do that.

Finally here is a picture of my Mom putting the cat food in the freezer for some reason. I blame the cat, it's using mind manipulation on her somehow.

In conclusion, cats are just the worst.

This song is the cat's pajamas

No comments:

Post a Comment