England Needs a Don Draper.

Hell, even a Pete Campbell would be an improvement.

Even though I've now been in the UK for several months I'm still learning new things about British culture. For instance did you know the name for an oat-filled cookie is flapjacks? I didn't either. When I was listening to a cooking show yesterday and the woman said she'd be cooking flapjacks my face lit up. I was sadly disappointed.

Pictured above: Something I don't want to eat. 

The Brits are not into pancakes. They have Scottish pancakes that are about the size of an English muffin. No plate-sized (or as I call them properly sized) pancakes here. 

Anyway, pancakes aside, these Brits need to revamp every single ad campaign they have. Sometimes I watch  a commercial or see a magazine ad and I have not the foggiest indication of what is being advertised. 

In addition to ruining Zoey Deschanal's face in this Rimmel London Ad:

They turned America's sweetheart into a waxy, dead-eyed zombie.

this country also has truly heinous TV ads. And not bad-good like the Eagle Man ones.

First off, if your ad seems like it's for Prozacs; you're missing the mark. Unless this is tea for depressed people. Second, I was distracted from the ad by the super indie cover of song song I jammed to in the mid 2000's. Finally if this tea makes me encounter my freaky doppelganger; I'll pass. 

You will never be as cool as the Geico gecko. No matter how many smoking jackets you own.

Where to even start. English people seem obsessed with these meerkats. If I look out my window right now I will see a "Solar meercat" that holds a lamp all day and treats me to a light show all night. Meerkats all over the place. 

This just scares me. I'm sure if you want people to buy your cereal you shouldn't put images in their heads that will poison their dreams. Just some advice.